When I was just a little guy, one of my favorite movies was Weird Science. I wanted to be just like Gary and Wyatt, taking magazine clippings of their ideal female features, hooking them up to electrodes, and creating Lisa, the perfect woman.

Fast forward 20 years and reality is swiftly becoming weirder than fiction. No, the perfect woman has yet to be developed. Well, unless you’re my amazing girlfriend, of course. But if the fossil record is correct and fish were truly the first to evolve into land dwellers, we may be well on our way.

It all began with fish.

Yet again, history is on the precipice of repeating itself. Pandora’s Box is on the verge of losing its lid. The fish is back at it. This time it’s genetically modified and it’s ready for your plate.

The FDA never ceases to amaze me. Just when I thought I had seen and heard it all, the Big Brother of Food Policy has announced that a genetically modified line of Atlantic salmon pending approval poses no harm to humans. When you cut through the doublespeak, this means:

“Pretty soon we will be approving GMO salmon and will require zero labeling for it, so you will have no idea if the salmon on your plate is a Frankenfish or not. Unfortunately, we have no long-term research on this new fish that has never been consumed by human beings in the history of the world, but you’ll be okay. We promise! Actually, even though we’re the federal food police, we did absolutely no research of our own on this fish. We left it up to the company who invented it and also stands to profit from it. Anyway, you’ve been unknowingly eating GMO corn and soy by the boatload for years. You’ll be just fine!”

Boy, do I feel safe.